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this again.
Well. Fuck.
Now that it's done, I'm having big "did I really expect different?" vibes, but dang. I'd hoped for different. I'd honestly expected nothing in 2020 and was so thrilled and relieved when he wasn't brought back into office. I think I wanted to believe it was a sign that things could improve again.
Alas, cults of personality and government corruption simply don't work like that. I'll count my blessings that we got a four year slow down on the - *gestures at the GOP everything* - and brace for the next stage.
There's a part of me that feels even less prepared because I'm already so emotionally fried. I spent Wednesday alternating between crying and moving furniture around my office in a bid for control.
But there's another part that feels like -- well, I know what not to do now. I spent 2016 to 2020 glued to every change and update and batshit insane claim; tracking every warning and threat and burning myself out with dread over how much worse it was going to get. (And bad it did get.) Re-reading my personal journal from 2018 is a distressing view into how deeply I'd fallen apart. (Thank you, therapy, thank you for my life.)
Not a lick of it helped me. Not a lick of it helped anyone else. The most productive things I did were make donations, call my reps, vote in midterms, and vocally support protesters -- ALL of which I could've achieved without obsessively monitoring Twitter every hour of every day. So, my goal now is to figure out how to "stay in the loop" without letting it eat my entire life and brain.
Otherwise - I'll do as I planned in my last post, and work on expanding my life and activities. I will write and read and create and spend time with the people I care about. The rest will come as it comes, terrible and good alike.
Now that it's done, I'm having big "did I really expect different?" vibes, but dang. I'd hoped for different. I'd honestly expected nothing in 2020 and was so thrilled and relieved when he wasn't brought back into office. I think I wanted to believe it was a sign that things could improve again.
Alas, cults of personality and government corruption simply don't work like that. I'll count my blessings that we got a four year slow down on the - *gestures at the GOP everything* - and brace for the next stage.
There's a part of me that feels even less prepared because I'm already so emotionally fried. I spent Wednesday alternating between crying and moving furniture around my office in a bid for control.
But there's another part that feels like -- well, I know what not to do now. I spent 2016 to 2020 glued to every change and update and batshit insane claim; tracking every warning and threat and burning myself out with dread over how much worse it was going to get. (And bad it did get.) Re-reading my personal journal from 2018 is a distressing view into how deeply I'd fallen apart. (Thank you, therapy, thank you for my life.)
Not a lick of it helped me. Not a lick of it helped anyone else. The most productive things I did were make donations, call my reps, vote in midterms, and vocally support protesters -- ALL of which I could've achieved without obsessively monitoring Twitter every hour of every day. So, my goal now is to figure out how to "stay in the loop" without letting it eat my entire life and brain.
Otherwise - I'll do as I planned in my last post, and work on expanding my life and activities. I will write and read and create and spend time with the people I care about. The rest will come as it comes, terrible and good alike.